Character Building Hopes for Children
If you're a parent and have high hopes for your children and their character, you must read what our parenting expert and author, Shefali Tsabary, PhD says. Most of us would heartily agree with the first part of her sentences. But, for me, the second part makes her list of hopes even better. Let's find out if you agree.
7 Best Character Building Hopes for Parents Who Love Their Children
1. Not that they will be a good achiever, but a good learner
2. Not that they will obey you, but that they will respect you
3. Not that they will blindly follow your dictates, but that they will seek your counsel
4. Not that they will follow your vision, but that they will create their own
5. Not that they will achieve "success," but that they will live a life of purpose
6. Not that they won't fail, but that they will find the courage to start again
7. Not that they won't hurt others, but that they will find the grace to ask for forgiveness (page 173)
*******
Do you agree with our expert author? When I took time to think about each hope, I felt Shefali Tsabary took me into the deeper values I really want for my children and grandchildren. How about you?
Join me in APPLAUDING Shefali Tsabary for sharing her hopes for children from her Amazon book, The Conscious Parent.
Shefali Tsabary, PhD
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions about parent's hopes for their children? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Homework Struggles between Parents and Kids
Parents, do you struggle to get your kids to do their homework? Our parenting author and homework expert is also a counselor. Neil McNerney, has four strategies that could work for you and your student. Listen for these elements as you listen to the story in his book, Homework: A Parents Guide.
4 Strategies for Parents
1. Stay Calm.
2. Be Clear about the choices.
3. Add "It's your choice."
4. Change the subject; leave the room.
The Story of Homework Struggles
"Your son has a big project due in two weeks. He has had two months to work on it. You have helped him set up a plan so that he gets a little bit done every week. The plan has collapsed; he hasn't followed through on the weekly goals and now is very far behind.
"Get off my back!" he tells you. "I can get it done in plenty of time. Why don't you ever believe me? I'm not an idiot, you know."
You pause and tell yourself that you aren't going to take the bait this time and are going to ignore, for the time being, the disrespect. You review the fact that you have tried being both the Supporter and the Consultant, but with little effect. So you calmly tell him,
"You have a choice this afternoon. Either you work for two productive hours on the project or you will not go to the football game tonight. If you work on the project this afternoon for two hours, then you are free to go to the game. I will decide if the two hours have been productive. It's your choice."
"By the way, I'm making pizza for dinner. What toppings do you want?"
He says, "This is stupid. I hate your pizza anyway."
You then put that imaginary piece of duct tape across your mouth, and leave the room before you undo all of your good, calm leadership. Parents need to pick their battles.
Do you see each of the four elements at work here?
1. You stayed calm (didn't react to the disrespect).
2. You were clear about the choices (football game or stay home.)
3. You said, "It's your choice." (In fact, you said it twice.)
4. And you changed the subject and got out of there. You didn't take the bait even though he was again disrespectful.
Good job! Now try it in real life! (from pages 77-78)
********
You might have wondered how Supporter and Comforter fit in the story. Neil McNerney explains it in his Amazon book, Homework: A Parents Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out.
Let's APPLAUD Neil McNerney for sharing one of his many excellent examples on how to deal with kids and homework struggles.
Neil McNerney, M.Ed., LPC
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for dealing with homework struggles? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Good Kids Can Come from Bad Homes?
How can a good kid come from a bad home? Can such kids grow in character too? Our authors today say they can. Let's listen as our parenting experts who are also therapists as they share a true story.
"Remember our philosophy? Your child has his own personality, his own brain and he is choosing how he wants to be. "Good" kids can come from bad homes and environments. "Bad" kids can come from good homes and environments. We could give many examples of kids who have risen above bad situations, just like this one:
A Story of Character ~ A Good Kid Coming from a Bad Home
Candy is sixteen years old. She was raised in a crack house. She doesn't know who her father is, and her mother is a crack-cocaine addict. Candy remembers spending many of her younger years being hungry. Once in a while, when her mother was sober enough, they would walk to the soup kitchen to get a free meal.
When she became a teenager, Candy decided she needed to talk to someone about her life. She got on the bus, went to a mental health agency and asked if she could see a therapist.
She never missed an appointment during the year she was in therapy. In spite of a terribly difficult childhood, in which the odds were certainly against her, she is turning herself into a successful individual.
She attends school during the day and works part-time in the afternoon and on weekends. She is saving money so she can eventually get her own place to live.
Candy has expectations of herself that include going to college, having a professional career and someday living in a nice home with a husband and children.
She's taking the steps to accomplish those goals. Born with a personality than mind that will take her where she wants to go, Candy is a survivor." pages 68-69
********
For me, we have two heroes in this story, Candy and the therapist who believed in her. Candy shows us that good kids can come from bad homes. I bet you know people with great character who have risen above their difficult circumstances too.
Let's give A BIG HAND to the therapists and authors of The Whipped Parent, Hope for Parents Raising an Out-of-Control Teen.
By Kimberly Abraham, Marney Studaker-Cordner, and Kathryn O'Dea
*******
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping teens deal with bad homes? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Kids, Pets, and Friendships
Kids and pets can be best friends or not. Our expert parenting author, Cindy Springsteen, shares a lesson in love and friendship in her book, Waffles and Pancakes. Let's find out why this is a good book to share with your child.
The story starts in a pet store. Two hamster friends are bought on the very same day by different owners. In their new homes one was neglected and the other was cherished.
The author helps children see each hamster's perspective. Kids learn that Waffles' Waffles are very different from Pancakes' when the two hamsters meet again and discuss their lives.
The boy who owned Pancakes learned something important about love and friendship from the owner of Waffles.This lesson is great for your children too.
I read this colorful children's book to my 4-year-old granddaughter, Allyssa. I never know what she's going to say. After the story she had great empathy for the lonely hamster because she looked up at me and said, "I love you, Grandma, because you play with me."
Then we had a discussion about how she plays with her cats, Sabby and Boo. She giggled about playing with her goldfish.
If you want your children to love, care for, and play with your pets, read Waffles and Pancakes. They'll learn about empathy too.
This lovely little book is perfect for naptime, bedtime, and family discussions.
*******
Let's THANK Cindy Springsteen for writing her book about pets, kids, and friendships.
Cindy Springsteen
Waffles and Pancakes can be found at Amazon.com
*******
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping kids treat their animals with love and respect? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Can Teaching Perspective Solve Kids' Fights?
Would perspective" help stop your kids from fighting and promote peace in your home? Both research and our expert parenting author, Ellen Galinsky, say so. Ellen will show us how she used what we know as 'seeing the other person's point of view' (perspective) to help her children.
Perspective
"I realized that if I was going to help my children learn to take each other's perspectives and be more friendly with each other, I was going to have to see the world as each of them saw it. To teach this skill, I needed to learn and use it myself.
For, example, my son used to get furious at his little sister. To my husband and me, his outbursts seemed like unexpected bolts of lightening-and he would get into trouble. Applying the notion of perspective taking, I decided to step back and watch my children, paying special attention to the scenes that led to an outburst. When I did, I discovered that my daughter wasn't the innocent victim I had assumed. She was doing subtle things to annoy her brother, like chewing with her mouth open.
I also could see that from her perspective, her behavior was a way of getting her big brother's attention. These clues had been invisible to me until I looked at the situation from each of their perspectives.
Later, during what we called "special time" (a family tradition of spending time alone with each child, usually at night), I explained to Philip what it must be like for Lara to have such a big and competent brother (though she was no slouch herself).
I told him to think of her teasing as quicksand. He had to look for it, avoid it-and never fall into it. He got it right away, and her subtle provocations had a lot less power.
I told Lara that I had warned Philip about the "traps" she was setting for him and that if she wanted her brother's attention, she didn't have to annoy him to get it. We began to plan times for them to do things together, and that helped too." Pages 73-74
******
Perspective, seeing the other's view, is a powerful tool to teach our children. Just asking questions like, "Why do you think he did that?" can help our kids see the other's perspective. Why not observe your children for how and why they annoy each other? Talk to them individually about seeing their brother or sister's perspective. Then ask them to come up with a solution.
*******
Let's APPLAUD Ellen Galinsky for bringing this powerful parenting tool to us from her popular Amazon book, Mind in the Making.
******
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping teens deal with grief? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Letters to My Son Promotes Values
In Letters to My Son, parenting expert, Jamie Bohnett, reminds his boy of a game they used to play called, "Spot the Lie." If you're worried about your children becoming too materialistic, you must play this game with your kids too.
Dear Son,
Materialism is one of the legacies that my generation has passed on to yours. We Baby Boomers, and those who have come after us, did not hear "No" very much when it came to our spending.
Many of us have passed on a sense of entitlement to our children. As I wrote in my last letter, debt is a huge problem for families today. Consumer credit and mortgage debt are both at a highter percentage of disposable income in America that every before. In other words, what families owe versus what they are worth has never been so hight. We have lost sight of the concept of savings and delayed gratification and have oped out for debt and instant gratification.
Remember when we played "spot the lie" as we watched Super Bowl commercials together, when I gave you a quearter for every lie you could identify? I was fighting materialism with materialism!
For example, the lie in a beer ad may be, "If you drink our beer you will have beautiful women attracted to you." That is what we need to continue to do when it comes to this craziness. We need to consiciously identify the lies that the media constantly bombards us with.
Also, son, we cannot just "play defense" in this. The best way to keep a healthy focus in this areia is through serving others and practicing generosity. You remember our family mission trips to Mexico and Central America? As a family we could learn to bless those who have less materially. That latest video game or gadget doesn't seem so vitally important to have when you have just helped put a roof over the heads of a family of six for the first time in their lives.
You are not what you do and you are not what you have. The more stuff we have, the more we have to take care of, and the more that the stuff we own has the potential to ultimately own us. I know that you know this. This is just a reminder. We have not always done real well with this, but a least we have engaged in the battle.
In His grace,
Dad"
pages, 80-81
Let's applaud Jamie Bohnett for his inspiring letter to his son.
Jamie Bohnett
Pick up Letters to My Son and share the values in this book with your children too.
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping your children deal with materialism? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
When Parents Respect and Teenagers Don't!
If you're a parent who respects your kids and feels disrespected in return, keep reading. Our expert parenting authors of The Whipped Parent will share the painful problem with expections and Brandy's story.
What Do You Expect?
How do you know when you have an expectation? A good clue is if you find yourself saying or thinking something close to, "Julie will always...Jason needs to...if Jill would just...my son will...my daughter will not..."
If you feel angry, frustrated or disappointed because your teenager won't do what you believer he should do, it's a safe bet you've got an expectation that's not being met.
Brandy Booker's Story:
Brandy Booker's mom once said: "I give Brandy respect, and I expect she'll respect me."
(Uh-huh, so does she?)
"NO. She constantly swears in front of me, which is totally disrespectful and unacceptable. She needs to stop."
(Uh-huh, and how can you control what she says?)
"Well, I could...I could...I guess I really can't."
(Right.)
"That's because Brandy is the only one who has control over Brandy's mouth. Even if you got the masking tape out and taped her mouth shut, she'd just pull it off. Then she'd probably head to the phone and hit the speed-dial to Protective Services for child abuse."
Expectations Set You Up for Disappointment
If Ms. Booker continues to expect that Brandy will respect her and stop swearing, she will continue to set herself up to be disappointed. Expectations set you up for disappointment. That's because Mrs. Booker's expectation is ultimately under Brandy's control. pages 36-37
*******
The authors of The Whipped Parent are counselors and have experience working with such problems. They know how to help if you give respect but don't receive it in return. You don't have to be a whipped parent. So what can you do? Here's their book:
by Kimberly Abraham, MSW, CSW ~ Marney Studaker-Cordner, MSW, CSW with Katherine O'Dea.
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping parents deal with disrespect? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
What Peer Pressure?
Parents, are you worried your teenager will give in to peer pressure? If so, you have to read the response Dr. Parnell Donahue received from 14-year-old Marc. Dr. Donahue, a parenting expert and pediatrician, asked Marc about peer pressure. Let's listen to this story.
Marc's Story about Peer Pressure:
Dr. Donahue: "Do any of your friends smoke?" I asked.
Marc: "Not if they want to be my friends," Marc answered.
Dr. Donahue: "How much alcohol does your best friend drink?"
Marc: "None."
Dr. Donahue: "Do you have any friends who use marijuana of other drugs?"
"No. I have really good friends," he said proudly. "You'd like them." He paused for a moment and then asked, "Can I tell you something?" He leaned over conspiratorially, as though he was about to tell me where Osama Bin Laden was hiding. "If you sleep with dogs, you'll get fleas," he said quietly.
Dr. Donahue: "Hmmm, I guess you're right," I replied, but I really wasn't sure where Marc was coming from with that statement, or where he was going with it. I'm not a vet, I'm a pediatrician. So I repeated, "If you sleep with dogs, you'll get fleas means...?"
Marc: "Well, say you're at a party and everybody is smoking pot, but you're not, and the cops come in," Marc began. "They will take you all away and it won't matter what you say. They and everybody will think you smoked too. So you will have their fleas, and no one will believe you're innocent."
Then he smiled that all-knowing smile kids use with adults to say "Gotcha!"
Dr. Donahue: "That's great!" I exclaimed, trying to reclaim face for not understanding initially. I was in awe, too. "I wish I had been as wise as you when I was 14. Too bad all kids don't know that." pages 112-113
******
Why not share Dr. Donahue's story about Marc with your teens? Ask them what they think. You never know where the conversation will lead.
Let's give Dr. Donahue a BIG HAND for sharing this story in his book, Messengers in Denim.
*******
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping teens deal with peer pressure? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
When Teenagers Grieve and Parents Worry
If you're a parent, and you're worried how death touched your teenager, you might see your child walking around in a daze, hurting too much to think, or too shocked and too numb to feel anything at all. Our parenting experts and authors, Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horsley, are sharing some brief thoughts from real teenagers from their book, Teen Grief Relief: Parenting with Understanding, Support, and Guidance. Let's listen as these teenagers speak from their hearts.
1. "I'm really angry at my sister. She jumped off a bridge and killed herself. I don't get it. I went through her room and found her dentist and orthodontist appointments and saw a bunch of things marked on her calendar for the whole rest of the year. Why did she make these plans - if she knew she was going to kill herself?" - Mikiko, 14
2. "I keep asking myself where my big brother is. It's weird - I'm the oldest now. My brother always took all the heat for me. He had to make sure that we got in on time and that the garbage was out and the lawn got mowed. I don't think my mom and dad realized how little I really did.
But now all that stuff is up to me. My little sister doesn't do anything but walk the dog. I really hate being the oldest; it sucks. It isn't working for me at all. I'm a soccer player, not a garbage man.
Besides, my brother is dead, dead, dead. It's like everything is going wrong - and I can't stop it." - Malcolm, 14
3. "Dad was my basketball coach and a great friend. He was the kind of Dad who would cook and tuck us into bed at night. He had us every other weekend and two weeks during the summer. They said he dropped dead of a heart attack in the parking lot of an airport. Nobody saw him until it was too late. Man, I really miss him. - Lance, 17
4. "I now have two brothers and no sister. I really hate the fact that Veronica got a brain tumor. She was so cute, and I loved having a little sister. Being the oldest, she was like a living doll for me. When she was born, Mom let me feed her and let my friends hold her. I even let her come on dates with me sometimes. My boyfriend thought it was a little weird, but I loved it. When she started to cry that her head hurt, I'd have her sit on my lap and read her a story. I miss her so much. I can't wait to get married and have a little girl. I'll definitely name her Veronica." - Miranda, 17
5. "My mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer before Christmas. I felt sorry for her when all her hair fell out. We gave her a funny hat for Christmas. She loved it. Six months later she died. I miss her so much." - Brenda, 13
Did you feel tears as you read these? I did too. Talking with your teenager about their thoughts and feelings can help.
Let's APPLAUD both Drs. Heidi and Gloria Horseley for sharing these thoughts and feelings from teens who are grieving.
Their book, Teen Grief Relief, is available at Amazon.
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for helping teens deal with grief? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
******
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Raising Happy Kids Who Are Fun Loving and Stress Free!
Parenting happy kids and filling them with fun thoughts and wishes is Lori Lite's mission. As author, teacher, and parenting expert, Lori knows how to raise stress free kids. Let's hear her advice.
"When I think of happy stress free kids, I have visions of laughing children unbothered by dirtied knees and sweat soaked clothes. Children of all ages playing together, creating and scheming as they chase fireflies to fill their glass jar with nature’s light with the hopes of attracting faeries.
STOP! I am already hearing parents saying “don’t run...you might fall…don’t use a a glass jar it might break and cut you…don’t be so loud…you are bothering the neighbors….don’t catch all the fireflies because they will become extinct and faeries are only in fairy tales..”
STOP! These are the types of anxiety causing statements I hear from well-meaning parents all of the time. I hope that this post inspires all of us to loosen up a bit and let kids be kids.. Summertime for me was filled with stress free moments that included blowing bubbles, climbing trees, chasing fireflies with my brothers, and watching for faeries. These memories inspired me to create magical, musical melodies of relaxation music for children designed to capture the joyful and stress free moments of childhood.
Lori Lite's 9 Fun Thoughts and Wishes for Children:
H – Hoping and knowing that they will catch many fireflies
A – Anticipating nothing but success and joy in all their adventures
P – Positive that bubbles fill with wishes will reach the ears of a faery
P – Passionate about reaching their goals no matter how many fireflies they miss
Y – Youthful energy untainted by doubt or fear
K – Kisses and good wishes for their job well done for themselves and others
I - Imaginations growing with each leap and each wish filled bubble
D – Deliciously surprised and satisfied by their accomplishments
S – Stress Free moments and carefree hours that add up to a lifetime of happiness.
Blowing bubbles is a whimsical way for children to reduce stress, anger, and fears. Children can visualize filling bubbles with negative emotions they would like to get rid of. My CD Indigo Dreams: Garden of Wellness features a track entitled Bubble Blowing to get you going. Fairies encourage children to use affirmations.
Firefly chasing is so inspirational to me that Indigo Dreams: Kid's Relaxation Music features a track entitled Firefly Flight. These magical musical melodies are designed to relax and inspire children."
*******
I've heard Lori's music and read her books. They are superb! Let's give Lori a BIG HAND for her amazing work and advice.
Connect with Lori Lite at Stress Free Kids
*******
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for raising happy stress free kids? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
With warm wishes,
Jean Tracy, MSS
Sign up for my Free Parenting Newsletter and receive:
****** If you liked this article, please write a comment and send it to your social media sites below.
Recent Comments