Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com

3 Parenting Tips – How to Discipline Careless Kids without Nagging!

Our last blog included 3 common discipline problems. Amy left her new bike in the rain. Jake kept losing his homework, and Jessica lost her lunch money again.

These careless kid problems cause parent problems too. Besides feeling angry, consider the inconvenience to you. You saved and saved for Amy's bike. Jake's teacher wants to know if he's really doing his homework. Jessica expects you to leave work and bring her a hamburger and shake.

If any of these problems fit your family, you have discipline choices. Consider the logical consequences below:

1. When Amy leaves her bike out, don't talk, act. Wake her. Tell her to clean her bike and bring it inside. Don't react to her grumbles. Put a lock on her bike and decide how long to keep it locked. Tell Amy. Don't nag. Be firm.
2. Since Jake keeps losing his homework, tell him he must write (no photocopying) a second copy before TV. Decide how long he will redo his homework in this way. Tell Jake. Don't nag. Be firm.
3. Since Jessica keeps losing lunch her money, tell her you won't bring her hamburgers or shakes. From now on she must make her own lunch. No rescuing. No Nagging. Be firm. No child has starved after missing a lunch.

 

The Careless Kid Conclusion:

If you stay in control and act logically, your kids will trust your words. They'll suffer the consequences of their actions. They'll grow into responsible adults. You'll feel proud of them and of your parenting too.

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Child Discipline Problems: When Kids are Careless

Child discipline and logical consequences demand you learn to think before you act. You take the time you need. You get your feelings under control. You come up with a simple plan. You execute that plan.

When kids are careless, rage can explode and it can feel great. Later shame sets in. Your kids yell back, make excuses, and sometimes blame you for their mistakes. This is not the family life you hoped for.

If These Were Your Children, How Would You Deliver Logical Consequences?

All winter you've squirreled away coins, dollars, and gift money to buy a bike for Amy. She squealed with joy as she first rode it through the neighborhood. You smiled and thought, "It's the perfect birthday.

1. One rainy morning two weeks later you look out the front room window. There it is, spattered with mud lying in the driveway. Your gut tightens. You march down the hallway to Amy's bedroom. Will you yank her out of bed? Or will you get yourself under control?
2. Jake's teacher called to say he forgot his homework for the ninth time this month. She wonders if he really does his homework. You assure her that he does. She tells you, "I'll have to lower his grades." You've lectured Jake to put his homework in his backpack. Jake would rather watch TV than hear your voice. You know he doesn't listen. What to do?
3. Jessica lost her lunch money again. She calls you from the principal's office, "Mom, I lost my lunch money. Buy me a hamburger and a shake."

You're at work. You don't want the principal to think you're heartless. You don't want your boss upset by your leaving another important meeting for Jessica. You feel trapped. What to do?

A big part of parenting is teaching kids to be responsible. When kids treat gifts, homework, and money carelessly, some parents fume inside and feel like failures.

Many parents replace broken toys with new toys, do their kids' homework, and rush to solve their kids' problems. These parents prevent their children from pain. These children fail to experience the logical consequences of their careless actions. They grow into careless adults. They know others will take care of them.

Look for solutions in our next blog.

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Wanted! 3 Parenting Tips – How to Discipline My Kids in the Car

In our last blog we discussed 3 discipline problems when your kids fight in the car. Now we'll offer 3 discipline solutions.

One problem involved driving your kids to their activities. The traffic was bad and your kids loudly complained about each other.

The second problem involved taking your kids on errands. They didn't want to go.

In the third problem you were taking your kids for a hamburger treat. Instead of being grateful, they argued about each other's fast food joint.

If any of these problems fit your family, you have discipline choices. Consider 3 parenting tips below:

1. Pull over to a safe place. If you're on the freeway, take the next off ramp. Tell your kids, "We're not moving until you stop fighting."
2. For each complaint say, "That's another errand." Add it to your schedule.
3. Count out loud to 3. If they don't quit fighting turn the car around and go home. No lectures. No yelling. No treats.

Of course, you could yell and lecture. It might stop the fighting until the next time. There will be a next time. You've just modeled how yelling solves your problems. Why shouldn't they yell just like you? You've also brought yourself down to their level and lost power.

Avoid getting emotional. Stay in control. Act with logic. Practice the above solutions over and over. You'll be showing your children you mean what you say and you say what you mean. Your words will earn respect.

Now add your discipline ideas for kids who fight in the car and help us all.

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3 Parenting Problems - Kids, Car Fights, and Discipline

Parenting and discipline are tough when your kids fight in the car. You get distracted. You tell them to stop. They don't. What can you do? Look inside for 3 parenting problems. Then ask yourself, "What would I do?"

How will you discipline?

1. So many parents get rattled when they're driving kids to gymnastics, soccer, or music lessons. The kids start whining, "He's sitting in my space. She won't share her candy. He touched me." They get louder and louder. Traffic is bad. You're not sure you'll get them to their activities on time. Now is a teaching moment for building character. What will you do?
2. You have lots of errands and your kids are with you. They didn't want to come. They complain. "How long will this take? When are we going home? I want to play with my friends." This is another time for building character. What will you do?
3. You're taking the children out for a hamburger treat. You want to please them. One child demands Wendy's and the other yells "Burger King." They argue with each other and with you. "I want Wendy's. I want Burger King. You never go where I want." This is another teaching moment for building character. What will you do?

Almost all parents face car fights. It drives them crazy. Their emotions rise. They want to be logical but rage takes over. They yell. They threaten. The fighting stops. They regret yelling. They feel guilty. They like the peace.

Look for solutions in our next blog.

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3 Parenting Tips: How to Discipline When Kids Are in Danger

In our last blog, we discussed 3 discipline problems when kids are exposed to risky values with cell phones, violent videos, and the internet.

You might remember that Maggie's teacher told you about the cell phone pictures Maggie's sending the boys in her class. Doug is hurting the kids at school. He's addicted to violent videos. Cheryl's on My Space and is getting phone calls from strange men. What will you do?

As the parent, you have discipline choices. Consider the logical consequences below:

1. Maggie begged for a cell phone. She intimidated you with her guilt, insults, and promises. Like so many parents, you broke down. One good thing, you and Maggie discussed, created, and signed rules for using the cell phone.

   The phone you gave Maggie was loaded. It had everything. It was the ultimate birthday present. She was so happy. You felt great until the school told you, "Maggie is sending provocative pictures of herself to the boys in her class. The pictures are on the internet."

   This is not the time to exaggerate Maggie's rights to privacy. This is not the time to defend Maggie to the world. This is the time to take the cell phone away. She broke the rules. She exposed herself. She'll experience long term consequences like scorn, disrespect, and she's put her future in jeopardy.

2. Doug's in trouble for hurting kids at school. He trips them at lineup, punches classmates when the teacher isn't looking, and bullies younger children. Today he broke one kid's arm. The parents hired a lawyer.

   You check the computer in his room. You're shocked. You thought he was doing homework. You learn he's addicted to violent videos.

   Arming Doug with his own bedroom computer is like giving him a loaded revolver. The opportunities for trouble are wide open.

   Tell Doug, "Using the computer is a privilege. From now on, it will be in the kitchen where I can see the screen. You can only use it for homework and when I'm home."

   If you need to, lock it in your car when you're away.

3. Cheryl's made tons of Facebook and My Space friends. Her pictures, profile, and messages are cute. Now she's getting calls from strange people.

   You check her sites again. The pictures are revealing. The messages are risqué. Last night you caught Cheryl on the computer while your family was sleeping.

   Cheryl begs you not to shut down her sites. She promises to clean up her act. Will you buy it? Or will you face her anger?

   Again, draw the line. Be strong. Get the computer out of Cheryl's bedroom. Put it where you can see it. Only let Cheryl use it for homework. At night consider locking it in your bedroom.

Parenting is tough. Today's opportunities for trouble are great. Your kids and their danger don't matter to strangers. They want freedom. They chant, "First amendment rights!"

You need to care. You need to take charge, to face angry kids, and be strong. How else will you raise your kids with strong healthy characters? How else will you protect them?

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3 Parenting TipsDiscipline Problems When Children Are in Danger

It's hard to discipline kids when the media exposes them to dangerous values like Paris Hilton's hamburger ad, violent videos, and cell phone photos. Many people scream first amendment rights, kids' privacy "rights" and, "It's the parent's responsibility!"

One young TV commentator thought the latest provocative ad involving an over-exposed model, her flicking tongue, bare legs, and exaggerated ecstasy over yet another hamburger was funny and fine. She knew young men would love it. She blamed parents if their kids were exposed. Of course, she had no children of her own.

Your children see way too much. They want to see more. They want to imitate what fascinates adults. There's just one problem. Their minds and hearts aren't ready to make good decisions about values.

One more thing, we move toward our pictures. When curious children see dangerous values in action, guess what they take inside, visualize, and move toward?

Like metal beads to large magnets, they're drawn to see and do more. Even 14-year-old girls send suggestive pictures of themselves to their boyfriends through their cell phones. These pictures get on the internet. These girls are in danger.

How can you protect your children from embracing risky values? How can you lead them toward strong healthy characters when the media doesn't care?

What can you do when your child…

1. Sends flirtatious pictures or text through her cell phone?
2. You son is downloading videos that teach him to kill the enemy and make him a hero each time someone suffers and dies?
3. Exposes everything about herself to every Tom, Dick, and Harry on social media sites like My Space and Facebook?

Don't miss our next blog, "3 Parenting Tips: How to Discipline When Your Kids Are in Danger"

 

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