Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com

3 Parenting Tips – How to Discipline Your Kids Who Yell at You

Our last blog discussed 3 discipline problems parents have with kids who yell. Did you come up with some solutions? Today we'll share some of ours.

Do you recall how Drew shouted, "I'm sick and tired of these stupid chores!" Or how Kenzie yelled, "I hate this dinner!" Or how Pete and Peyton screamed about taking turns at the bat?

Franklin P. Jones once said, "You can learn many things from children - how much patience you have, for instance."

As the parent, you have discipline choices for your yellers. Consider the suggestions below:

First I'll give you the Feedback Formula then I'll suggest a solution for each problem.

Memorize this formula and use it often when it applies:

When you (the unwanted behavior)

I feel (your own emotion)

I want you to (the new behavior)

The next time Drew won't get out of bed, don't yell like Drew's mom, ""I'm sick and tired of being your alarm clock. Get out of bed now!" He heard her voice and copied her tone and her words. She was his model when he didn't want to do his chores.

If you're a yeller, don't be surprised when your children yell back. Break your yelling habit like you'd snap a twig. Make a strong decision that you'll yell no more. To do this, tone down your emotion. Think before you speak. Make sure you're not whining. Use the Feedback Formula.

The Feedback Formula for Drew:

When you stay in bed,

I feel frustrated.

I want you to get up and get ready on time for school.

This may not change Drew's behavior by itself. You may have to stop waking Drew and let him be late for school. After all, that would be a logical consequence.

The Feedback Formula for Kenzie:

When you won't eat the family dinner I fix,

I feel hurt,

I want you to eat the family dinner or nothing at all.

Again, this may not change Kenzie's behavior. At least you've said what you think. You should follow through with your words and not make her a different meal.

Feedback Formula for Peyton and Pete:

Boys, when you yell and fight,

I feel angry

I want you to solve your problems fairly or quit playing with each other.

Peyton and Pete need to know you mean what you say. Rather than yell through the window, go outside. Take the bat and ball. Lock them away. Send Peyton and Pete to different Time Outs.

As with any of these disciplines, they must be repeated over and over until your children understand you mean what you say.

Remember, yelling doesn't work. Discipline takes patience.

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3 Parenting Problems ~ Kids, Yellers, and Discipline

How do you discipline your yellers and screamers? They yell at each other. They scream at you. Your eardrums hurt. Your head aches. If this happens in your home, read on.

Yelling problems trouble many parents. The more they yell at their kids, the more their kids yell back. Yelling used to scare their children. Their kids obeyed out of fear.

Then came the day their kids yelled back. The fear was gone.

Children seldom misquote.  In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.  ~Author Unknown

How Will You Discipline?

1. Drew wouldn't get out of bed. His mother yelled, "I'm sick and tired of being your alarm clock. Get out of bed now!" He heard her and didn't move.

   Later that day, Drew refused to do his chores. Reminding him didn't help. He shouted, "I'm sick and tired of these stupid chores. Do them yourself! I'm going out to play."

   If you were Drew's mom what would you do?

2. Kenzie fussed at dinner time. She wouldn't eat what was prepared. "I hate this dinner. Make me mac n' cheese!" she ordered. Her father said, "That's no way to talk to your mother." "I don't care," shouted Kenzie. "She never makes what I like!"

   Many moms make two dinners, one for their fussy eaters and one for their family. What would you do?

3. Peyton and Pete fight every day. Even the neighbor kids won't play with them. This morning they tried to play baseball by themselves. Pete wouldn't let Peyton bat the ball. Peyton yelled, "It's my turn!" "No it isn't!" screamed Pete. "I'm the batter." This went on for 10 minutes. The whole neighborhood heard them fight. Their dad yelled through an open window, "Boys, stop fighting!" They didn't.

   What would you do?

Look for solutions in our next blog.

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3 Parenting Tips ~ How to Discipline When Your Kids Disrespect You

In our last blog we discussed 3 discipline problems parents have with disrespectful kids. Many parents feel frustrated when their kids roll their eyes, say "whatever," and walk away. Now it's time to consider solutions.

Do you remember how Casey rolled his eyes upward and away when his mom confronted him with his kitchen mess? How Lydia demanded money for the mall and said "Whatever." And do you recall how Zack walked away saying, "I know. I know, when his dad told him to turn down his rap music.

As the parent, you have discipline choices. Consider the ones below:

I'll give you an important suggestion to use with all 3 misbehaviors. Then I'll show how it applies to each one.

The Important Discipline Suggestion:

The time to prepare your kids for future discipline comes when things are going well. We all want children's disrespect to stop. When they're in a positive mood tell them,

"When you roll your eyes, say "whatever," or walk away, I want you to know 3 things will happen.

• I won't give you what you want.
• I'll expect a sincere apology
• You'll replay your behavior with respect.

No preaching. No lectures, just the facts.

Knowing what will happen might cut down on your child's disrespect. When misbehavior does occur, you must follow through. Be calm. Be respectful and be in charge. So how does this work?

3 Discipline Solutions for Disrespect:

1. Next time Casey leaves the kitchen a mess and rolls his eyes when you call him back, he'll need to clean his mess, apologize, and replay what happened without the eye rolling.
2. When Lydia demands money disrespectfully, she won't get it. She'll have to apologize sincerely, ask for money with respect, and do it before leaving the house.
3. After Zack says, "I know. I know," and turns to walk away, tell him, "Stop, turn off your music, and apologize in a respectful way."

If you're consistent in requiring respect, you'll get it. You won't feel helpless. You won't be angry. You'll be building character with reasonable discipline.

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3 Parenting Problems ~ Kids, Disrespect, and Discipline

When your kids disrespect you how do you discipline? Do you feel churning in the pit of your stomach? Do you experience helplessness and do nothing or do you yell?

How will you discipline?

Too many parents face eyes that roll, the word "whatever," and kids who walk away when they won't listen. If you share these reactions from your kids, you've got work to do.

1. Casey left dirty dishes from his afternoon snack on the table. His crumbs crunched underfoot, and the milk soured on the counter. Mary, his mom, sighed. She knew she needed to confront Casey. As she spoke, he rolled his eyes and looked away.

   If you were Mary, what would you do?

2. Lydia called out, "Mom, give me some money for the mall." Her mother answered, "Lydia, that's no way to ask."

   "Whatever," answered Lydia.

   What would you do? Would you give Lydia the money?

3. Zach's father's headache throbbed to the beat of his son's rap music. "Zack, come here!" he shouted.

   "Zack, how many times have I told you…?"

   Zack walked away before his dad could finish and muttered, "I know. I know."

What would you do? How would you handle with these 3 disrespectful children? Your comments are appreciated.

Look for solutions in our next blog.

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