Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com

Discipline Tips When Your Kids Tattle for Power

How do you discipline your child when he tattles for power? Do you give in to his demands?

In a former blog you saw your David bossing his little sister, Stacy. Because he's older, taller, and stronger he feels entitled to tell her what to do. When Stacy rebels, David tattles.

"Stacy didn't clean her room."

"Stacy spilled her milk."

"Stacy won't help me pull weeds."

When you give in to David's controlling ways, and tell Stacy to do what David demands, do you ever feel guilty? Are you sick of David's bossiness? How will you handle David?

Why David Tattles and What David Wants:

So what else does David want beside power? Let's chunk it down.

David tattles because he wants to be more important than Stacy. He wants you to side with him. He wants you to love and respect him by letting him take the lead.

How Can David Get What He Wants without Tattling?

You know that letting David boss Stacy isn't good for David. It isn't fair to Stacy either. David becomes a dominating ruler and Stacy a loser. This is not what you want for their futures either.

Confide in David. Discuss the tattling problem privately with him. Let David know how you worry about him becoming a bossy overbearing person. Tell him you'll feel more proud of him when he drops the tattling. Ask him to help and encourage his little sister.

Then tell David to come up with 3 ways he can help and encourage Stacy without tattling.

Discipline for Tattle Tales Who Want Power:

If David says, "I don't know," tell him to stay in his room until he comes up with the 3 ways to help and encourage his little sister. He'll need to share those positive ways with you too.

Notice when David encourages Stacy. Be consistent and praise David when he encourages her. You might create a chart with stars for David that says, "My goal is to help and encourage Stacy."

If you do, you'll be giving David the love and respect he wants. You'll be teaching him to become a positive leader. You'll be helping Stacy too.

Our future blogs will deal with tattling for revenge, and weakness. To make sure you get them, sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and receive them in your email.

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Discipline Problems ~ Why Your Kid Tattles and Drives You Crazy

Do you have this discipline problem? Is your tattle tale kid driving you crazy? Do you know why your child tattles? In this blog we'll look at four reasons why most kids tattle. In future blogs we'll discuss how to discipline your tattle tale.

You tell your child, "Don't tattle. "Tell me only when there is danger." But your child doesn't understand the difference between tattling and danger. Maybe your child doesn't care. He has different motives for being a tattle tale. Do any of these motives fit your tattle tale?

Four Tattle Tale Motives and Discipline:

1. Attention ~ Perhaps your Lori wants your attention. She tattles to prove to herself and her brother, Ralph, that she's your favorite. If you punish her brother, she'll know you love her best. First ask yourself, 'Is Lori tattling to get my attention? If so, don't jump in asking her brother, "Did you do that?" What could you do instead?
2. Power ~ You recognize that your David loves power. He tattles to prove he's the boss of his little sister. If he can get you to make his sister do what he wants, he'll be even more powerful. Ask yourself, "Is David tattling to make his sister do what he wants? Does he want power over his little sister? If your answer is "Yes," what could you do about David's tattling?
3. Revenge ~ Jackie doesn't like her younger brother, Bobby. She thinks he's your favorite. She won't talk to him. She tattles whenever he plays with her things. When you yell, "Bobby, give it back!" Jackie smiles. Before jumping in, ask yourself, "Is Jackie acting out of revenge? Does she like getting Bobby in trouble? If so, what will you do?
4. Weakness ~ Keagen's older brother, Kyle, call's him a "crybaby." Keagen cries to get what he wants from Kyle. If Kyle says, "No," Keagen runs to you to tattle. Because Keagen's younger, you remind Kyle to treat Keagen nicely. Inside are you sick of Keagen's whining, tattling, and crying? If so, ask yourself 2 things. "Is Keagen getting what he wants by acting weak? Am I being unfair with Kyle?"

In our next blog, we'll look at suggestions and solutions when your Lori tattles for your attention. In the meantime, share your own solutions for stopping Lori from tattling. Our future blogs will deal with the other tattle tales.

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Discipline ~ Is Your Child Fighting Cell Phone Rules?

Parents, do kids with cell phones drive you crazy? How do other parents discipline when cell phone rules are broken? Finally, what would you do if these children were yours?

1. Morgan, age 13, texts her friends when you're talking with her, during dinner, and when you're having family time. She also sends texts after midnight. Her phone bills are outrageous. You're afraid to cut off her phone usage because she'll stomp and scream to get her way. What will you do?
2. Twelve year-old Caleb has an iphone. His teacher caught him texting his friend during a test and took his phone away. The school rules that cell phones are not allowed. Parents must pick up the phones or the phones stay in the principal's office. Caleb is pressuring you to get it back. He wants you to insist that he needs his iphone to be safe, especially when he walks home from school. Will you insist that Caleb keep his cell phone at home or be able to use it for safety wherever he needs it?
3. Ten year-old Caitlin wants an iphone like her older sister's. "It isn't fair," she cries, "Everybody has them. I need to text my friends." Will you give it to her?

   Many homes have cell phone problems. Maybe yours does too. Take some time to think through your solutions. Leave your ideas below.

   Look for our suggestions and solutions to these parenting problems in our next blog.

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Discipline is Crucial When Kids Hit: 3 Problems Parents Must Solve

How do you stop your children from hitting? Time Out can be helpful. But are you looking for more solutions? Let's discover why some kids fight. Then let's start thinking about what to do:

You may realize your kids fight to get power, to get you involved, or to get revenge. Pretend the children below are yours. What's it like when you deal with these parenting problems?

How will you discipline?

1. Riley's little brother, Vance, gets most of your attention. Vance is the lightning rod for Riley's anger. When you're not looking, Riley shoves him. Vance falls. His loud shrieks call out for you. This happens almost every day. What's your first reaction?
2. Koen's report card is never as good as his little sister's. She gets the glory. Koen gets the lecture. He punches her upper arm whenever she brags and tells her, "You think you're so smart." You've seen the bruises. How will you handle it?
3. Kyler watches his favorite animal program. Then Sean arrives. He switches the channel to cartoons. The boys often switch channels on each other. That's when the hitting starts. It doesn't stop until you sort things out. You boil inside when they hit each other. You want the fighting to stop. What will you do?

Many homes have fighting kids. Maybe yours does too. Take some time to think through your solutions. Leave your ideas below.

Look for our suggestions and solutions to these parenting problems in our next blog.

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Discipline Tips: How to Get Your Child to Do Chores

In our last Parenting Skills Blog we met Adriana who ignored setting the table. She watched cartoons instead. We saw Justin avoid cleaning his room and run out to play. We heard Alex whine and drag his feet about walking the dog. The dog messed on the floor.

You thought of ways to get these kids to do their chores. Today we'll give you some of our suggestions too.

Remember, as the parent you have discipline choices. Consider the ones below:

3 Discipline Suggestions for Chores:

1. The next time Adriana ignores you and continues watching cartoons, hold your temper. Walk over to her. Stand between her and the TV. Stare into her eyes until she looks in yours. In a firm voice say one word, "Table." Stay in front of the TV until she moves. Don't react to her grumbles.

   When things are going well, ask her, "What are your ideas about solving the table setting problem?"

2. Call Justin to come inside. Say nothing. Use body language. Point to Justin's room. Stand at the doorway and watch him get started. Don't give directions. When he's well underway say, "When you're done, ask me to check it."

   When things are going well ask Justin, "How did you decide to play without cleaning your room? Listen to his answer. Then ask, "What will you do next time?"

3. Alex dragged his feet, instead of taking the dog for his walk. Now the dog's accident is on the floor. Say, "Come here Alex." Just hand him the cleaning materials without any more words. Point to the mess. Don't react to his gripes. Make sure he cleans it well. If he whines and says he doesn't know what to do, say, "I'm sure you can figure out a way." Avoid detailed coaching.

    Next give Alex the leash. Say, "Take Rover for his walk."

You may have other ideas. Please comment below and let me know what you think.

Don't miss our next blog on brothers and sisters who punch each other.

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3 Discipline Problems When Kids Break Things

How do you discipline your kids when they break things? First, decide whether it's a rare accident or a pattern that stems from disobedience rooted in impulsiveness or not caring.

If it's a rare accident, the consequences you deliver may be simple and straightforward, "Get the broom and clean up the mess."

If it's a disobedience pattern, then you need to be on the lookout for blaming ("The teapot was too close to the edge of the table.") or not caring ("What's the big deal? That's an ugly old teapot.")

How will you discipline?

1. Taylor teased the family cat. It backed up as its tail flicked back and forth. You called out, "Taylor quit teasing the cat." Taylor didn't. Within seconds the cat's tail flicked your crystal vase to the floor. It shattered on the tile. "It's not my fault!" said Taylor. "The cat did it." What would you do?
2. You've told Christopher, "Don't throw balls in the house." Today he tossed a hard ball to his little brother. It broke your expensive dining room mirror. When you moaned, "Christopher," he answered, "What's the big deal? You can buy another one." What would you do?
3. Katie was helping you put food on the dinner table. The pewter salad bowl slid through her fingers. The macaroni salad plopped on the wood floor. Your dog, Chum, ate much of it. The floor and the salad bowl were damaged. Katie cried and cried. What would you do?

Kids break things because of accidents or disobedience. The trick is to decide which describes your child. Your decision will determine your discipline. Take a moment now and decide whose behavior above was accidental and whose was disobedient. If it was disobedient, was the child careless, impulsive, or blaming. Please share your ideas below. I'd like to know.

Look for solutions in our next blog.

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3 Discipline Problems When Kids Cuss

Discipline is tough when kids curse and call other children bad names. They get attention, power, and revenge all at the same time. When the rewards are so great, getting your kids to change isn't easy. If an adult swears in your house, discipline can be even harder.

What would you do?

1. Your little angel, Ciera, cusses like a red neck. You just learned this at the recent school conference. The playground teacher reports Ciera cussing every day. You're expected to do something. Will you put Tabasco sauce on her tongue or wash her mouth out with soap? Will you spank her? Or will you take some time and think of a logical consequence?
2. Darwin, your 10-year-old, is a genius at inventing bad names. On any summer day when the kids are outdoors playing, you hear his sarcastic taunts. "Diaper head, pig eye, idiot brain" thunder from his big mouth. Through the grapevine you've learned several parents forbid their children to play with your foul-mouthed son.
3. Your Farrah, which means "lovely," needs a tongue bath. If her little sister steps one toe inside Farrah's room, the house shakes with Farrah's curses. If her little brother spills his milk, she bellows, "Look what you did, you stupid kid!" Your family feels trapped by her temper.

Take some time to think of some logical consequences for these kids. Remember your consequences must fit the crime. They must be kind. And they must be firm.

Look for 3 discipline tips about cussing and foul-mouths in our next blog. To make sure you receive it, sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and you'll receive the solutions in your e-mail.

To help your children think before they speak, pick up my Dilemma Discussion Kit. Get rid of the cussing. Enjoy raising kids who respect each other.

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3 Discipline Problems – Sloppy Homework and Bad Grades

Disciplining with logical consequences cuts down on arguments, begging, and fighting. Think about it like a pie. When you're consistent, kind and firm, your child will respect you and follow the rules. Discipline becomes just a sliver of the pie. The rest of the pie is filled with fun activities like cooperation, affection, and pleasant discussions.

If you're inconsistent, yell, and fight with your kids when disciplining, then expect the co-operation, affection, and pleasant discussions to become the sliver. Discipline will take over the rest of the pie and that portion will taste like mud.

It's time to tackle a common discipline problem, homework. Let's brainstorm solutions too.

If These Were Your Children, How Would You Discipline?

1. Your son, Kevin, is home alone. Your boss threatens, "It's your kid or this job!" You leave anyway. As you walk in the door, the TV shouts, "This toy gives you hours of fun." There's Kevin, eating chips on the couch. When he sees you he yells and points to the TV.

   "Hey mom can I have that toy?"

   "Did you do your homework?"

    

   "Homework's boring."

   "Turn off the TV."

   "Do I have to?"

   What would you do if you were Kevin's mom?

2. Your daughter, Emma, hates homework too. Her teacher can't read Emma's scribbles and smudges. She marks her down for messiness. Emma doesn't care. Playing is much more fun. What will you do?
3. Robert's school back pack is empty. He "forgot" his homework again. With crackers in one hand and soda in the other, he rushes to his room to play his latest video game. What will you do?

 

Parenting kids who don't or won't do homework becomes a verbal war.

"Do your homework."

"Later."

"When?"

"I don't know."

Do you feel like you're losing the battle and the war? Your child is failing in school. He stalls, says, "No," sneaks out to play, won't turn off the TV. What can you do? Leave your comments.

Look for solutions in our next blog. To make sure you receive it sign up at Parenting Skills Blog and you'll find your answers in your e-mail.

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3 Parenting Tips – How to Discipline Your Kids Who Yell at You

Our last blog discussed 3 discipline problems parents have with kids who yell. Did you come up with some solutions? Today we'll share some of ours.

Do you recall how Drew shouted, "I'm sick and tired of these stupid chores!" Or how Kenzie yelled, "I hate this dinner!" Or how Pete and Peyton screamed about taking turns at the bat?

Franklin P. Jones once said, "You can learn many things from children - how much patience you have, for instance."

As the parent, you have discipline choices for your yellers. Consider the suggestions below:

First I'll give you the Feedback Formula then I'll suggest a solution for each problem.

Memorize this formula and use it often when it applies:

When you (the unwanted behavior)

I feel (your own emotion)

I want you to (the new behavior)

The next time Drew won't get out of bed, don't yell like Drew's mom, ""I'm sick and tired of being your alarm clock. Get out of bed now!" He heard her voice and copied her tone and her words. She was his model when he didn't want to do his chores.

If you're a yeller, don't be surprised when your children yell back. Break your yelling habit like you'd snap a twig. Make a strong decision that you'll yell no more. To do this, tone down your emotion. Think before you speak. Make sure you're not whining. Use the Feedback Formula.

The Feedback Formula for Drew:

When you stay in bed,

I feel frustrated.

I want you to get up and get ready on time for school.

This may not change Drew's behavior by itself. You may have to stop waking Drew and let him be late for school. After all, that would be a logical consequence.

The Feedback Formula for Kenzie:

When you won't eat the family dinner I fix,

I feel hurt,

I want you to eat the family dinner or nothing at all.

Again, this may not change Kenzie's behavior. At least you've said what you think. You should follow through with your words and not make her a different meal.

Feedback Formula for Peyton and Pete:

Boys, when you yell and fight,

I feel angry

I want you to solve your problems fairly or quit playing with each other.

Peyton and Pete need to know you mean what you say. Rather than yell through the window, go outside. Take the bat and ball. Lock them away. Send Peyton and Pete to different Time Outs.

As with any of these disciplines, they must be repeated over and over until your children understand you mean what you say.

Remember, yelling doesn't work. Discipline takes patience.

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3 Parenting Tips ~ How to Discipline When Your Kids Disrespect You

In our last blog we discussed 3 discipline problems parents have with disrespectful kids. Many parents feel frustrated when their kids roll their eyes, say "whatever," and walk away. Now it's time to consider solutions.

Do you remember how Casey rolled his eyes upward and away when his mom confronted him with his kitchen mess? How Lydia demanded money for the mall and said "Whatever." And do you recall how Zack walked away saying, "I know. I know, when his dad told him to turn down his rap music.

As the parent, you have discipline choices. Consider the ones below:

I'll give you an important suggestion to use with all 3 misbehaviors. Then I'll show how it applies to each one.

The Important Discipline Suggestion:

The time to prepare your kids for future discipline comes when things are going well. We all want children's disrespect to stop. When they're in a positive mood tell them,

"When you roll your eyes, say "whatever," or walk away, I want you to know 3 things will happen.

• I won't give you what you want.
• I'll expect a sincere apology
• You'll replay your behavior with respect.

No preaching. No lectures, just the facts.

Knowing what will happen might cut down on your child's disrespect. When misbehavior does occur, you must follow through. Be calm. Be respectful and be in charge. So how does this work?

3 Discipline Solutions for Disrespect:

1. Next time Casey leaves the kitchen a mess and rolls his eyes when you call him back, he'll need to clean his mess, apologize, and replay what happened without the eye rolling.
2. When Lydia demands money disrespectfully, she won't get it. She'll have to apologize sincerely, ask for money with respect, and do it before leaving the house.
3. After Zack says, "I know. I know," and turns to walk away, tell him, "Stop, turn off your music, and apologize in a respectful way."

If you're consistent in requiring respect, you'll get it. You won't feel helpless. You won't be angry. You'll be building character with reasonable discipline.

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