Calm Parents Can Teach Kids Self-Motivation
Parents, if you want your kids to do well in school, don't make the mistake our parenting expert and author, Neil McNerney, warns about in his book, Homework: A Parent's Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out. Find out why he says, "When we stay calm...we keep the focus on our child."
The Big Mistake
"Why do we want our kids to do well in school? Seems a pretty obvious question. We want our kids to do well so that they will be successful. When we can stay calm, we are increasing the odds of success. The calmer I am, the more likely my kids' energies will be focused on their own actions instead of mine.
If I am not calm, then their thoughts and emotions are focused on me, instead. My emotional reactivity is saying to them: "Calm me down." So, instead of thinking about doing well in school for their own success, they think they should do well in school to change our emotions.
When we are over-anxious or losing our temper , we have lost a chance to help with self-motivation.
Story About a Parent Going Ballistic about Kid's Homework
I remember a teenager I worked with who was struggling in school. Everytime he missed a homework assignment or got a bat test grade, his mother went ballistic. When I would ask him why he wanted to do well in school, he would tell me "so that Mom won't yell at me."
When I would ask if there were other reasons, he would just shrug. All he was focused on was doing well to calm his mother. So what do you think happened when he went away to college? Your guessed it. He lasted one semester and dropped out with failing grades.
He told me: "When I went to college, it was great. I was having fun, meeting new people, and the biggest part was not having Mom yell at me and check my homework all the time. The problem, though, was that I never really learned to study in order to be successful. The only reason I studied was to get Mom off my back." pp. 11-12
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Neil McNerney shares the best way to teach self-motivation and avoid the big mistake of going ballistic. Self-motivation is exactly what you want to teach your children. To find out how to teach it pick up Neil's book, Homework: A Parent's Guide to Helping Out without Freaking Out
Let's give a BIG HAND to Neil McNerney, a counselor, faculty member, speaker, and parenting expert, for sharing information all parents need about homework.
What are your opinions about this blog post or your suggestions for dealing with kids and homework? Please answer in the comment link below. We want to hear from you.
Jean Tracy, MSS
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